英語經(jīng)典幽默笑話

　　幽默寓于笑話之中，它是笑話的精料，智慧之所在。笑話是幽默的載體，一個(gè)成功的笑話能流傳千古，聽者和講者都會(huì)感到快樂、欣喜，拍掌叫好!下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的短篇英語笑話5篇，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　英語經(jīng)典幽默笑話一：精神病醫(yī)生

　　Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for ." "Is that so! How?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!"

　　杰瑞去看精神病醫(yī)生。“醫(yī)生，我有些不對(duì)勁。每次睡覺的時(shí)候，我都感覺有人在床下。我要瘋了!”“給我一年時(shí)間，”醫(yī)生說，“每周來三次，我會(huì)治好你。”“費(fèi)用是多少呢?”“每次一百美元。”“我會(huì)認(rèn)真考慮的。”杰瑞答道。六個(gè)月后醫(yī)生和杰瑞在街上相遇了，“為什么你再也沒來呢?”醫(yī)生問。“一次一百塊錢嗎?有個(gè)酒吧服務(wù)生收了十塊錢就把我治好了。”“真的?他怎么做到的?”“他讓我把床腿鋸掉。現(xiàn)在那沒人了!”

　　英語經(jīng)典幽默笑話二：死后重生

　　"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied."Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.

　　“你相信人能死后重生嗎?”老板問他的一個(gè)員工。 “我相信，先生”。這位剛上班不久的員工回答。 “哦，那還好”。老板接著說。 “你昨天提早下班去參加你祖母的葬禮后，她老人家到這兒看你來了。”

　　英語經(jīng)典幽默笑話三：他什么都沒聽到

　　Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."

　　我在郵局上班，對(duì)于顧客們的各種情緒早已習(xí)以為常了。所以，有一天當(dāng)一個(gè)生氣的顧客氣沖沖地來到我的工作臺(tái)時(shí)，我還是非常平靜地問她，“有什么問題嗎?”“我早上上街了，”女顧客說，“我回到家的時(shí)候，我看到一個(gè)卡片，卡片說郵遞員要給我們家送包裹，但沒人在家。可是我的丈夫整個(gè)早上都在家啊。他說他什么都沒聽到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹給了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顧客喜形于色。“我們等這東西都等多少年了!”“是什么好東西?”我問。“我丈夫的新助聽器”。

　　英語經(jīng)典幽默笑話四：拍賣會(huì)上 At Auction Fair

　　At auction spot, someone has lost a bag, in which has the vital document.

　　The owner says, "Once who picked it up brings it to me, I will take out 200 dollars to remunerate reward him or her."

　　On hearing the news, another chap(小伙子，家伙) shouts out:" I reward 300 dollars."

　　拍賣會(huì)上，有人的包丟了，里面裝有重要文件。物主說：“有誰揀到送還，我將拿出200美元以表酬謝。”

　　話剛出口，就聽有人喊：“我出300美元。”

　　英語經(jīng)典幽默笑話五：The Doctor Knows Better

　　A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."

　　"I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.

　　Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."

　　"Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"

　　一個(gè)男人在街上被出租車撞倒送進(jìn)了醫(yī)院。他的妻子站在他的床前對(duì)醫(yī)生說：“我想他傷得很厲害。”

　　醫(yī)生說：“恐怕他已經(jīng)死了。”

　　聽到醫(yī)生的話，這個(gè)男人轉(zhuǎn)動(dòng)著頭說：“我沒死，我還活著。”

　　妻子說：“安靜，醫(yī)生比你懂得多。”