圣誕節經典英語笑話

　　Good Lights 好燈

　　A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but—wanting to make sure each bulb worked—she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in. I did, and each one lit up. "Great," she said. I carefully placed the string of lights back in the box. But as I handed them to her, she looked alarmed. "I don’t want this box," she said abruptly. "It’s been opened."

　　一位顧客進我們的商店買圣誕燈。我給她看了我們店里最好的牌子，但還需確認一下燈泡是否正常。她讓我把燈泡從盒子里拿出來，然后通上電。我照做了。每一個燈泡都是正常的。她說:“非常好。”我小心翼翼地把這串圣誕燈放回盒子里。可當我把這一盒燈泡交給她時，她吃驚地看著我，突然說：“我不要這一盒，它打開過的。”

　　勒索圣誕樹 An Axe to Grind

　　A boy begs his father to get him a Christmas tree this year.

　　一個孩子求他爸爸，說能不能今年為家里準備一棵圣誕樹

　　Each year, the boy asks and the father tells him, "I don't want to pay for it."

　　小男孩每年求他爸爸得到的都是同樣的回答“我可不想為一棵樹付錢。”

　　But the son kept begging. Unable to bear his son's whining, he picks up his axe one day and heads out of the house.

　　但是小男孩不放棄的一直祈求，終于有一天，他爸被他的哀求折磨得受不了，他拿起一把斧子，直接沖出了門。

　　Thirty minutes later he returns with a great big Christmas tree. "How did you cut it down so fast?" his son asks.

　　30分鐘后，他爸爸帶著一棵超大的圣誕樹回到了加。他兒子問：“你怎么會砍得那么快?”

　　"I didn't cut it down," the father replies.

　　他爸爸回答到：“我不是砍的”

　　"I got it at a tree lot."

　　“我是從一個圣誕樹銷售中心拿的”

　　"Then why did you bring an axe?"

　　“那你為什么還要帶把斧子去呢?”

　　"Because I didn't want to pay."

　　“因為我不想付錢”

　　Limited Knowledge 圣誕老人知識有限

　　As we were putting out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve, I accidentally dropped one. "No problem," I said, picking it up and dusting it off before placing it back on the plate. "You can’t do that," argued my four-year-old. "Don’t worry. Santa will never know." He shot me a look. "So he knows if I’ve been bad or good, but he doesn’t know the cookie fell on the floor?"

　　平安夜那天，在我們分發餅干時，我一不小心掉了一塊到地上。“沒關系。”我一邊說，一邊撿起來，并在放回盤子前撣掉了上面的灰。“你不能那么做。”我四歲大的孩子爭論道。“別擔心，圣誕老人不會知道的。”他朝我瞟了一眼。“這就是說他知道我有沒有做壞事，而他不知道餅干掉在地上過?”

　　Christmas Eve Service 平安夜禮拜

　　Just as I began my Christmas Eve service, the electricity in the church failed. The ushers and I found some candles and placed them around the sanctuary. Then I reentered the pulpit, shuffled my notes, and muttered, "Now, where was I?" A tired voice called out, "Right near the end!"

　　就在我開始平安夜禱告時，教堂停電了。教堂里的接待人員和我找到一些蠟燭，把它們放在禮堂周圍。然后我重返講道壇，整理了一下筆記后，我說：“剛才我講到哪兒了?”傳來一陣不耐煩的聲音：“馬上就講完了!”